On the one hand are wedding jitters – normal, par for the course, general anxieties and tensions that the stress of planning a wedding can well bring on for any of us. On the other hand are second thoughts, which make you question your whole decision to commit to a particular person, questioning the very basis of the relationship. So how does one differentiate between the two?
Jitters are brought on by circumstances, second thoughts by the person – The wedding planning can get overwhelming, it can seem really expensive, making you wonder if it is really worth it all; whether you’re doing it because you really want to, or whether you’re doing it for others or because it is ‘expected’.
These are jitters that are brought on by anxieties, specific circumstance and by people other than your spouse to be.
However you are having second thoughts if you are questioning things such as the behavior, lifestyle, and traits of the spouse; if you are questioning specific areas of the relationship itself.
Can you share with your spouse to be? This should be another indicator – if you can share your feelings, concerns and anxieties with your spouse to be and if you find that you can work through them together satisfactorily then these are probably just jitters.
However if you have the kinds of doubts and concerns that you are reluctant to share with your spouse to be; then this could be a problem.
If sharing with the spouse to be makes things better, then it is probably just jitters that you feel. Make sure that the two people get to spend quality time together; the relationship ought not to get obscured or become secondary to the marriage day – this itself may be enough to ease jitters.
Second Thoughts need specific answers – For a person who is having second thoughts about a wedding, it is naïve and shortsighted to think that things will turn out well, just let the wedding get over with. This could be a recipe for future disaster, so you may want to make an assessment here and now.
Take professional advice if required – pre marital therapy could be a great way to assess where a relationship is, its solidity and so on. It could help resolve niggling doubts that you may have and actually go on to strengthen the bond between the two individuals. On the other hand it could offer a realistic assessment of whether deeper introspection into the long term viability of the relationship is required.